Are You Ready?

When it comes to dating, there are two types of ‘not feeling ready’.

The first kind is when you think, hmm, I’ve just come out of a relationship / still miss my ex / still feeling sad about the loss of my grandmother/cat/job. These are times when you’re vulnerable and need self care, not someone else to fill that gap. So feeling ‘not ready’ in these situations, is a natural and helpful warning to ensure you don’t end up hurting yourself or someone else by dating when it’s not the right time for you.

The second type of ‘not feeling ready’ is when you think you need all the different parts of your life to come together before you can bring someone else into your life. When you get that ideal job, you’ll be ready to date. When you lose weight and fit into your favourite jeans again, you’ll be ready to date. When you finally feel content about the relationship with your mother/father. Or that vague feeling of ‘having it all together’. That’s it, then you’ll be ‘ready to date’.

Or maybe you’re in a long term relationship and you don’t feel ready to take the next step to commitment, like moving in together or getting married.

But what does it mean to feel ‘ready’? Are we delaying our potential happiness for a new chapter in our life because we want to spend more time in the chapter we’re in now? Is it about staying in our comfort zone? Or are we keeping our partner at arms reach?

Or do we simply not have the confident ability in ourselves to reach the next level? Maybe you’ve told yourself that you’re not good enough to be in a relationship until you have achieved this next state of mental well-being, financial security or career progression. If you don’t believe you deserve to get to the next level, take another look at why you believe this. It may come from a limiting belief that has wormed its way into your brain at an early age, or even a late age, which is impacting your love life now.

Part of creating that head-space we call ‘being ready’ is about getting out of your own way in order to allow yourself happiness. This phrase has always baffled me somewhat; how does one get out of one’s own way? It sounds ridiculous and impossible. What I’ve come to learn it to mean, is, you have to take the ways you know, the ideals you’ve always had, and any rules or rituals that have to happen first, and say to yourself — “These things don’t matter anymore.” And imagine yourself stepping past these ideals into a new version of yourself, and then you can see — actually see! — what’s possible. It’s a mental exercise that takes practice.

Are you ready to decide to be ready? Love is always waiting for you. It’s up to you to decide if you’re ready to let it in your life and choose to love on a new level.

“If we wait until we’re ready we’ll be waiting for the rest of our lives.”

— Lemony Snicket, The Ersatz Elevator