Re-writing Red Flags
Are you overwriting your love story?
I often talk about writing your own love story. Owning your story as the main character and carving your own path through life - not letting other people dictate how you should date or do relationships.
But isn’t it annoying when you can see red flags that others can’t? Like, if your bestie tells you about a new person they’re dating and keeps making excuses for below standard behaviour. We can see the red flags as plain as day, but they can’t and it can be so frustrating.
I call this ‘overwriting’ - this is when we’re replacing the reality of the story that’s panning out in front of us, with our own story, our own perception of reality - which is often not the truth! Overwriting starts in our fantasies of how we hope the relationship will turn out, which is why we dismiss amber and red flags early on.
We often ignore low effort because in our dreams we’ve already imagined they’re a slightly different person.
We’re all hoping for the best, we believe their words even though their actions aren’t matching up. It’s SO easy to do!
How do we stop ourselves from doing this? It starts with avoiding those daydreams, just don’t do it girl!
Secondly, look at the facts. Have they let you down recently? Without trying to find a reason for their behaviour, see if you can spot a pattern. The more you can practice looking at patterns and the facts, the easier it will be to spot the difference between their words or intentions, and their follow-through.
Thirdly, have you said this phrase before: “They’re a really great person but…” (insert annoying habit here). Unfortunately what happens after the ‘but’ can often mean they’re actually NOT a high value person. Add these things up; confusing language + negative comments + lack of planning + not reliable + feeling like you’re not a priority = a very low effort, low value person.
It may be hot and summer vibes may bring out the naughty in you, but just make sure you’re doing fun naughty things with a person who freaking adores you and ONLY you. No players here!
Always in your corner.
