If I Could Tell Men Just One Thing About Dating

This is easy for me to say, being a woman. Empathy comes more easily to women than men. The ability to understand what someone else is going through, gauge their emotive state and respond appropriately is far more complex than we think. Women often do this naturally, but men can often struggle to effectively put themselves in their girlfriend’s shoes (and I don’t mean her stilettos).

“Imagine how you’d feel if you were in this situation.” See, if someone says this to me, I can almost instantly flip the situation around and imagine myself there, in his shoes. And once you’re there, on the other side of the fence, it can often become clear why your partner acted the way they did in a particular situation. That’s called empathy. Ah, I think, yes I’d probably come to the same conclusion and act in a similar way.

But quite often, men just can’t do that (or maybe they refuse to, who knows?). The well known idiom, “Before you judge a man, walk a mile in his shoes,” comes to mind.

So guys, if your girlfriend is often saying things like, “I wish you could put yourself in my shoes,” or “If only you were me, you’d understand,” or “Why don’t you listen to me?” then try practicing empathy. Switch sides for five minutes, and literally imagine yourself in the situation that your partner has described. Imagine how that situation feels from all angles.

Another key part to empathy is recognising what emotional state your partner is in, and reacting appropriately. For example, if you came home from work and your partner was acting a little grumpy and dismissive, would you, A) complain that they hadn’t done the dishes, B) ask what was bothering them, C) tell them to stop acting so grumpy and cheer up, or D) give them a glass of wine and disappear off to your man cave to watch TV. If you answered B you’re on the right track, if you answered C you might want to try being a little softer on them. If you answered A or D then I strongly suggest you work on your empathy skills.

Empathy is one of the top five elements of Emotional Intelligence (EI or EQ). Luckily, unlike your IQ, your EI can be developed and improved on. Don’t wait until it’s too late to work on this, as many women often walk away from men who have a distinct lack of empathy. Being able to listen and respond appropriately is such an important part of communicating with your partner, and when women feel like they’re not being heard, they often bail in search of a man who can provide a good listening ear.

Further reading: Emotional Intelligence, by Daniel Goleman.